My safe space

Everyone struggles with anxiety sometime or the other - for some this anxiety consumes them and for others anxiety comes and goes in waves. My anxiety waves have always been "high tide" waves. I usually feel drowned and have to frantically grasp for a way to stay afloat while it lasts. At first my flotation device was family and friends - then it became social media (which wasn't very helpful) and recently I have learnt how to rely on comfort verses (which really feels like a hug from God).

I realized(after a long conversation with a friend) that the main reason of my anxiety is that I don't allow myself to make mistakes. I don't give myself a chance to fail - because my brain thinks that too much rides on my shoulders. Unfortunately, this mindset does more harm than good - I cannot function very well with the weight, I become over anxious and break down at the smallest inconvenience. 

I have been reading the Gospels recently - and I was struck with the thought of whether the apostles felt the same. They were chosen specifically to do God's work - they had a lot of weight on their shoulders. People looked to them for direction, help and teaching. How did they cope? And that's when it dawned on me. They didn't think that they had to do anything - they just had to go where the Lord took them and allow the Lord to work through them. They were brave not because they believed in their own decisions - but because they believed that they themselves didn't have to do anything. They believed in God. I can do the same.

My safe space now is not just home, family or social media - it's everywhere (Because God doesn't exist only in one place). Everyday is a new adventure - not a battle. Because I'm not fighting - I'm sitting back and just waiting to see how God gets me through this new obstacle. And I know that I will never have to do anything myself - because he is with me, if in doubt all I have to do is my best. He will do the rest.