My Christmas wish

With the start of advent - I'm sure many are preparing their homes and hearts for the birth of Christ. I'm really looking forward to going home for the winter holidays (post finals) and am very excited about being with family and friends who I love. 

But - I must confess that though the thought of going home fills me with joy, there's this emptiness that I just can't seem to shake off. I have been feeling the same for quite sometime now and have realized that I yearn for 'audible or physical' communication with God. I see his works in my daily life and I know that he does so much for me throughout my day. I have been praying - and even journaling out conversations with him...but I have to admit - it's tough not "hearing" or "feeling" anything back. 

I constantly try to quieten my mind and pray - but I just can't seem to get the hang of that. I prayed to Mama Mary for intercession and for guidance to the Holy Spirit. But the only response I get is silence - and maybe that's just what I need - maybe that's is what is best for me right now. But it's tough remembering that when your heart feels alone in prayer. 

I have heard so many people talk about how they "hear" God in their prayer time and how they get "answers" to their questions when they ask God something during prayer time. I know that my heart is not as quietened as theirs and is never really "still" - even when in prayer. I also know that maybe this isn't the right time and that I should wait for God's timing in this. But  I still wish and yearn for a conversation with God and Mama Mary. 

And that is my Christmas wish, to hear and feel God. 

• I wish that my heart is transformed and learns to be quiet so that I can listen. 
• I wish that I am purified and become child-like again. 
• I wish that I am able to do everything that's humanely possible that will allow God to touch and talk to me. 
• And I hope and pray that God wills this.